This blog post was originally written March 2018 and went unpublished. I’m deciding to post it now, because it still feels so true. I’m still working on healthier ways to stay in the present moment even with the never ending business and tasks. I went the rest of 2018 without blogging thinking it would help to drop some of the load, but it didn’t. So, here I am, back again, in this new space, because I want to.
So, here are some words from 2018, describing life with two kids and a husband in family medicine residency:
I’ve been a little absent over here and Instagram over the past week or so. Honestly, it’s very boring over here. Jordan was off last week, and it really was so ordinary. It was rainy and he had to deliver a baby, yes, on vacation, in the middle of the night. So, we stayed home. Margot was not sleeping well, so I was thankful for some help at home and time to rest.
And now this week he’s started a very difficult rotation, so we haven’t seen much of him. It’s his day off, but he worked for 24 hours and needs to sleep. I think we’re both feeling antsy, so we have plans tonight to go into the city and eat good food.
Despite how boring it is over here, life is still very busy. And I’m feeling so behind. My defense mechanism for this is to just shut down. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s what I do. It’s not very good for the things that need to get done, but everything else is free game.
And this past week? I’m behind on everything I think I need to do, this blog, the laundry, our europe photo album, replying to text messages and emails.
But, I was present. I spent time with friends in the moment, I shut off my brain. I talked with my children, even the one that just coos. It was sweet.
I haven’t shared on here, but my goal this year (and forever) is to savor. To savor the present moment.
I’m always daydreaming, thinking of what’s next, planning adventures in our head, thinking about what I need to do, thinking of what I want to share with others. My mind doesn’t stop.
This isn’t the healthiest way for me to be in the present moment, I know, but I guess it’s what works now.