starting back up is sometimes the hardest part of coming back to this space. another part is that it’s hard for me to write the words: we’re moving. and not just moving, we’re packing up all of our stuff, throwing it in a storage unit, boarding a plane, and will be living in a foreign country. i don’t even know where to start when people ask me, “how are you doing with all this?” i sometimes just say good, other times share my deep anxiety, maybe they’ll get my excitement to explore a new culture, my fears, my to-do list.
my emotions and thoughts are all over the place. when i think about it, my stomach churns, my head hurts a little, my heart aches, and my shoulders get tight. i’m absolutely, terribly overwhelmed with all we have to do. I’m overly excited for a new adventure and to experience South Korea. I’m also starting to let the sadness that we’re leaving such a rich community here.
It started to feel real today as our last what I think will be our normal week here ended. It was a good week filled with time spent with friends, playdates, and dinner with all the people we love. I wasn’t thinking too much about making it be anything, and we just filled our days as we normally would.
And this morning, a normal Saturday morning. Jordan up before all of us watching sports, Ruby walking down the stairs after sleeping in from being up late on a Friday night. And breakfast together, a normal, boring breakfast, in our midwest home. Most likely our last one.
After breakfast, I drove into St. Louis, a once unfamiliar skyline that now feels like home, for a friends event and let a few tears escape for the first time. For the first time today it’s all feeling really real. I’m grateful, because I’ve prayed for these feelings. Every day my prayer is, “Lord, let me be present, help me to soak this in, to love these people well” I’ve been failing terribly at this every day. But, in all of this I keep experiencing grace and suddenly I can be present.
I’m continuing to pray that same prayer as we embark our last week here in St. Louis.
Moving sucks, but the opportunities to meet so many amazing people, experience a new place and culture has helped me to grow into a better person.
I’m going to be jumping on here more to unload my